The sine wave.
The tragedy
The tragedy of life is that when the road is all clear, its easier to go through. A little fog on the way and you drift away to an unknown place. The place is the same, the people are the same, and you are unable to understand what has changed. Nothing really, everybody and everything is the same. Probably its you, you have kept changing thats all. I wonder about the kind of things that people can do to achieve and I feel where and why am I stopping myself. I guess I just feel like the ancient Mariner waiting for an albatross to show me the way. And then I feel like a hypocrite because
I used to tell myself I dont believe in Destiny,
Here I am waiting for my destiny to come upon me .
To come upon me like the wind,
To blow me away,
To come upon me like the waves,
To wash me away,
To come upon me like the sun,
To burn me away.
Thoughts of a misplaced mind
My ex girlfriend had a very nice way to bring me back to earth when I used to draw plans of conquering the world. She used to say "Do it first and then lets talk about it". You were right, I guess I am just a dreamer not an implementer. To put it in a cliched context - I was a control freak till I completely lost control of my life.
I used to be energetic,
Now I just accept whatever I get,
I used to be stonehearted,
Now my emotions just overflow.
I used to flirt with chicks,
Now I fail to make an impression on the village belle.
I used to be unapologetic,
Now all that I do is mutter apologies to one and all.
Middle age prematuredly
They say that a man feels useless during his middle age but thats after 35 isnt' it ??. I guess its the global warming. I mean kids talk about sex these days once they are 10 so I guess if that could go back by 8-10 years, then - - - - -. Its a good sign I guess, as the old adage goes "Life begins at 40" Probably my life will begin at 30 thats 4 years down the lane.
Brash and unapologetic
Being brash, unapalogetic was so much easier. No need to think twice everytime you speak, that was easier. Being cool calm and composed and collected with my thoughts, that is so much harder. Being guided and told the path to follow was so much easier. Now I am so alone, on my own, not knowing who I should believe and trust. My colleagues tell me think about yourself only. Its one man for himself, we are all professionals. Hmmm professionals are we or just animals in the jungle some rats some leopards some hyenas and some vultures to scavenge what remains.
Strategy and Intellect
I always hated to play chess with players who went about killing pieces and bringing the game to minimum number of pieces in no time. I loved to play it on the basis of strategy because of the sanity and intellect involved. Moreover the thrill and the possibility of unseen moves made it all the more interesting. But unfortunately today I am surrounded by killers rather than strategists, insanity rather than intellect.
Substance matters does it,
I always thought that substance matters. But now I am not sure. For the first time in my life everything seems to be like a fog, a mirage. Sometimes I seem to forget who I am and what I am supposed to be. Everything is so bleak. I once believed I could change the world. But I guess I lost the race. I try hard to be what the world wants me to be.
A perfect life
When I failed I used to console myself saying "You cant always get what you want because if you did the world would be a perfect place. But then a perfect life would be boring as life would not present the uncertainties. Its the uncertainties that make life interesting.", Unfortunately now leave alone the perfect life, I aint sure what I want in the first place.
An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic ... don't you think
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic ... don't you think
Ironic - Alanis Morissette
Hallucinations
The funniest aspects of our lives is the unnecessary importance we give to things which exist only in the mind and not in reality. Take the instance of a couple who are not of the same caste or have some other issues say like my ex girlfriend was older to me. Now the problem is status, society and so on goes the bullshit. Funny status ego log kya kahenge these are in the mind and do not have substantial existence but I guess people like me just let go. I mean the girl was for real she existed and the pride izzat etc etc was in the mind. Look at me all alone and she is happily married.
Good guys - really
A friend commented that all the good guys have stopped working cos of lack of initiative, a lack of will and more importantly the lack of creativity in their workspace. Well the good guys were supposed to make a path for themselves weren't they ? An oft repeated phrase between me and some of my friends over a peg of whiskey is " If I had a crore I would change the world." Well the fact point blank is we are not able to make anything out of the few thousands we make, would a crore really make a difference. If I heard right Dhirubhai only had 15000 out of his dowhry when he sought to build Reliance the Empire. I guess its true to make money you need to have something for exchange. I mean you need to start somewhere.
Critical Temperature of steam
We are super superheated at 372 degrees (critical temperature of steam at / above which water directly converts to steam without latent heat of conversion) we tend to forget that steam also has a pressure which can be varied till 225 bar the critical pressure of steam. I guess the biggest problem is that we all prefer to be horses with blinders. Actually that would not be fair will it because either you wear the blinders on your own or somebody else asks you to wear them.
Fuck and forget.
Male bravado or to put it in more accurate terms LIBIDO is a subject of immense pride to the Indian male. Every second male in the country would have had sex with at least 5-7 girls before marriage. Half brag and half truth -------- But what I do not really seem to understand is that.
If its only an intercourse that matters, you could always use a bloody stuffed mannequin. There are women smart sexy and beautiful who have fallen for LOVE and ended up having one night two nught 30nights stands, so on and so forth. And there are others in the newly found metro cliches- f@$% buddies. Well my dear f@#$ buddies whats the diference between this f@#$ and f@#$ing a prostitute .Unfortunately have not met such a girl yet. Or maybe I am just not that kind of guy. Or to sound decent I am just too selective.
A theorem to conclude all the theorems.
A cliched dialogue in our Hindi movies is "You come naked to this world and you go naked as well" or the improvised corollary "You come alone and you shalt leave alone as well".
I guess I ll conclude by a rewriting a piece from a poem on my blog "A street where everyone has a name"
On the mountain of hopes and aspirations, do we all stand,
Most of us look down and shout out our names,
But then there are others standing up there silently,
With the ones below calling the silent ones.
As I walk down the mountain onto the street of life,
I see people standing by the signboards,
On those signboards, do they hope to have their names.
And thus one day shall thy walk ,
walk on a street where everyone has a name.
Most of us look down and shout out our names,
But then there are others standing up there silently,
With the ones below calling the silent ones.
As I walk down the mountain onto the street of life,
I see people standing by the signboards,
On those signboards, do they hope to have their names.
And thus one day shall thy walk ,
walk on a street where everyone has a name.
