Atonement

And I have committed sins,

Or have I ? Should I just have waited.

Is time really the healer,

Or is it something like God,

A way to forget,

A way to get away,

A way to your secret hiding place.

And I have done so many wrongs,

But what then is wrong ?

If there is nothing apparently right ?

If after darkness there shall be light,

What will be there after light, Darkness ?

A long stare far away

A long jump down

Far away and down to Nothing,

Everything black and empty.

After every pain and sorrow,

You shall feel pleasure and ecstacy,

But you need to wait,

You need to be patient,

It all comes slowly and steadily,

But what if I want it all at once,

Break the dam, break the barrier,

Take the Moving Train and charge away.

And it hurts, cuts like a knife,

The barrage of words sometimes it is,

The ice dagger like silence sometimes,

But then they are just words,

What is ice, nothing but frozen water,

Why take anything seriously,

The world’s a calm place,

Drop the knives and go away,

We will all be happy this way.

And they say behind every smile,

There might be a tear,

If duality was so profound,

Then entropy would not answer anything,

There would be nothing to find,

Nothing to discover,

Nothing to invent,

Nothing to imagine.

 And you have tried,

Tried everything you possibly can,

You have knocked at every door,

You have retraced every track,

You have not found the needle,

Neither have you found the haystack,

You have found nothing,

Life has been a zilch.

All there is to do then is fly away,

Tear everything apart, break away,

You don’t need the world,

The world does not need you either,

You will then find peace,

Peace in the insanity,

Peace in the daggers,

Peace in darkness,

Peace in the words.

Peace in imagination.

Peace in atonement.

Atonement by breaking away,

Atonement by relishing your sins,

Atonement by seeing through it all,

Atonement by darkness after light,

Atonement by finding nothing in everything,

Atonement by insanity.

Let her free, Let it be.

Let the tears dry out,
Let the emotions seep through,
Let the illusions and delusions die,
Drink the poisoned chalice,
Let her free, Let it be.

Unknown are affections to thee,
Unknown are emotions to thee,
You have a life my dear friend,
Drink the poisoned chalice,
Let her free, Let it be.

Melodrama is the complain,
Drama is the accusation,
But then if its all about you,
Then what about me,
Drink your cup of sorrows,
Let her free, Let it be,

Appreciation is what you seek,
Love is what you want to feel,
But hate and silence, you get to feel,
Drink your cup of sorrows,
Let her free, Let it be.

The one horse pony that you are,
The one trick clown that you are,
You search the bag for just one more,
All you have is thorns and no roses,
Let her free, Let it be.

A kiss on your lips you seek,
A tap on the shoulder you want to feel,
A smile on her face, you want to see,
All you can touch is thorns and no roses,
Let her free, Let it be.

You have made sacrifices to reach where you are,
You have made peace with your feelings,
You dont think you will get what you need,
The bitter pill is all that you are prescribed,
Let her free, let it be

A thirst for love you have and yearn for,
Let her go, Let her free,
Let her fly away,
she might fly back,
if it was ever meant to be,
Else it was all melodrama,
Let her free,Let it be. 

Some Ramblings

When the dust settles , and the sight is clearer, everything will seem more clearer. We are today in a world seeking that which is perfect, forgetting that it's the imperfections of a diamond that make it the perfect Jewel.

The world is all about appearances it seems, but aren't appearances supposedly deceiving. Be yourself is the mantra, but don't forget to use the social diktats to define it.

After a point it becomes pointless to make a point to people obsessed with their own points of views and who can't really see your point, more or less, because they might not be pointed enough, to get your point. And now that all points have been pointed out, I hope I have been to the point in expressing my point of view.

Buying a house , a car , educating and taking care of your children, is that all that matters and there is to life. Or does it have other things to offer. It's called responsibilities , which I think whether you like it or not takes care of itself but what about your responsibility to who you are and where you come from.

The Nazis they say wanted to make a perfect pure race. It makes me wonder sometimes with all the tips to a "perfect" life, and the do this and don't do that , aren't we just going the Nazi way without the negative connotations.

To embrace change is to embrace the world we live in with all its imperfections. To resist it is to resist the knowledge of our very own self and the reality of the world.

The need today is to release ourselves from the skeletons of the past. Burn them to ashes and release the soul to take its own direction to eternity. The release shall only make us stronger and give us a better tomorrow.

I am .....

Some say life is like Money,
And the others say Money is life.
Both of which are true albeit the circumstances.

Money for me has never been the motivator,
The harder you chase her, the farther she runs away. 

I am Gail , because wherever she roams, she will find a way back to me.

History, Literature and Mythology revel in creating the ideal man,
The truth of life is we all have our fallacies,
We all have our own failings ..... imperfections.
That one thing that you crave for when everything is going just fine.
I am Karna , because I shall never get what my heart desires the most.

You had your words, that you used to get you everything you wanted,
But now the words are not enough, they are just not good enough.
You are asked to give it all away, your words are now worthless.
You feel like a One horse pony, with just one show to put on.
I am Eklavya , my words my right thumb which I am asked to give away.

All your life, your only job has been to make others happy.
Laughing and playing tricks day in and day out.
The smiles your elixir to life, the lifeline to your other miseries.
The Jiggery pokery called life just moves on and carries on.
I am the clown, the smiles I look to give away to cover my miseries.

You have been pushed down, you have made mistakes.
You have sinned and may never cross St Peter's hallow.
But you have never asked for another chance, and no one gave you one either.
But you have always risen from the muck and all the dirt.
I am the phoenix, the phoenix who rises from the ashes.

I am Gail , because wherever she roams, she will find a way back to me.
I am Karna , because I shall never get what my heart desires the most.
I am Eklavya , my words my right thumb which I am asked to give away.
I am the clown, the smiles I look to give away to cover my miseries.
I am the phoenix, the phoenix who rises from the ashes.

A belief !

Started writing this when Hebdo happened, Unfortunately I am finishing this when Paris has happened !

I am and I shall believe what I want to believe in,
I can be a Hindu, Christian, Moslem , Buddhist , and anything I want to be.
Mono poly theistic , Anytime . Anywhere , whenever it please me .
All of them at the same time , if I need to be.
None of them , atheistic , if you allow me to be .
And no you can't stop me , it's me my thought process .
It's me , my way to see the world, my inner beliefs.

If my heads feels like a skullcap , the neck a cross and my fingers counting beads,
I will , let me be , I am the owner of my mind body soul.
Out of control am I , irrational heterodox I may seem .
But this world you want me to stay in , is not acceptable to me.
No its not acceptable to me.

You call it clash of idealogies.
I call it resistance. A resistance to accept the new world.
A world of opportunity. Faraway from the world we left behind.
Or you might be right - the world we want to leave behind.
A world of conflicting idealogies,
Idealogies which should have assimilated not seperate.

What is so wrong in entering a bar saying Jai Shri Krishna,
Isnt the alcohol - the accepted nectar divine hallucinating you to melancholy.
What is so wrong if I were to say Allahu Akbar before I have my ham.
Isnt the Hamburger the world's most wanted meal !

What is so wrong if I christen two men who love each other to bits. 

Isnt love , God's most powerful weapon ! 

But I dont care, do I ? 

I dont believe. No I dont . 

I would not want to believe,

believe that the dot "that made the Big Bang", 

was made by supernatural power. 

You can argue the supernatural exists, 

What is the point in having all that power, 

if you cant stop the hunger,

if you cant stop atrocities, 

if you cant stop greed, 

if you cant stop the inequalities.

The only logical conclusion my dear friend, 

You can give me is - its upon you.

Well if its upon me, 

Then I dont need you - the supernatural. 

The truth is I , the human, created you, 

created you to get rid of my insecurities, 

created you to soothe my pains. 

Your use has been exhausted long ago, 

That I have been demented enough to, 

turn against my own kin, 

to turn against my fellow human beings.

I dont need you anymore, 

Yes I created you, my Frankenstein, 

In time your true face will be seen by all, 

It maybe too late then, 

It may be way past my time. 

But I have a belief , that one day, 

This Frankenstein will die, 

This dot creator in our minds wont exist, 

And that day will be Judgement day, 

Simply because humans will find - 

Paradise on earth Again.

The outcome is not a retribution to your philosophy. Its a call for you to change

A letter to Mr Yadav

Dear Sir, 

To begin with, I am going to start with a few statements about myself ; 

1) I am a supporter of Narendra Modi. 

2) I do not support the Jan Lokpal bill. 

3) I do not think Arvind Kejriwal is the right man to lead your party. 

Contrary to your expectation now, the rest of this email is not a condescending write-up on Aam Aadmi Party. The reasons for the two statements above is simple. 

Modi all said and done will lift the markets and if I was still in India, I would not be worried about loosing my job :) (I was working in the Thermal Power Sector) 

Why I do not support the Jan Lokpal is simple too, An ombudsman was a good concept 30-40 years ago when people were good, honest and true to their word. My point of conflict with the Lokpal has to do with the question - What if the Lokpal goes corrupt ? You can give me a million sociological reasons for that not happening, but Indian history would point otherwise. 

About Arvind, its a personal opinion, I do not like TURNCOATS and Media SIice Hunters. 

A couple of months ago I sent a tweet at Arvind ji (no response as expected) which goes like this - 

"@ArvindKejriwal There are 106 seats as per the link. Why dont you contest 106 candidates in these seats ? pic.twitter.com/4jdvR9xs8t " 

Why am I writing this to you is because I had seen this video a couple of months back and was shocked to hear an AAP person say what you said at 2:20 and then what happens after that when AK announces a bill subsidy. 

http://prop4rev.com/

Your contention of the "Fight being against theft in bills and that electricity is not expensive" keeps ringing in my head again and again and again. Because that is the real truth the AAP never exploited, instead they spoke the politics of populism. To quote a friend - "Today even the poorest man on the street has access to the TV and can make an opinion for himself." Shefali Misra in her blog today, contends that votes were bought so have a lot of other people.....Shefali's article spoke of why people vote for the money they recieve, its because they know the politician is not coming back. Delhi is a prime example for you to learn the lesson that the people make decisions that suit them not to suit you :) 

Most of your high profile candidates will wither away- the Ashutoshes, the Ilmis and others but what you have before you is a mandate of 5 years. 

Initially when it was expected that BJP would not be able to make past 273 on its own.... Arun Shourie spoke of things the government could do with discretionary executive powers. You have 430 MP Candidates.... You have the machinery (though suffering on funds), Will your candidates work on welfare schemes on their own and get them executed. You may laugh and say you are playing into the hands of the ruling party, you are not, people do not forget ! If you are on Facebook, google for the TUI (The Ugly Indian) initiative, now the local BBMP ensures that the spot fixed areas remain that way. With your access to the various NGO's, your mantra should be let the NGO's of India unite and let us work. Fight Elections but do not put up a vindictive campaign, the people of India do not need an awakening. They know what they are doing, they can see everything, you lived in a bubble. Come back to reality. But the people will not forget if they are being helped. Its in our blood to be grateful when helped. 

Unite the NGO's ask your MP candidates to work for the socio-economic development of their constituencies. You will see the difference in 5 years and please please please stop people from using your platform for VERBAL DIARRHOEA like Ashutosh Bharti and the man himself - Arvind KEjriwal (to be honest you would do better without them)

Anyways I wanted to write this from a long time, so I have put it out, there were a lot of other things I wanted to add, maybe some other time if I ever get a reply I will. 

Best Regards, 

Dhiraj

Caution to the Winds

The unknown is so enticing, 

the known so predictable, 

Lucifer thou shall make it difficult. 

But thy knows puncturing cactus' in the deserts 

shall quench my thirst. 

The hot sands burn the soles, 

the loo blowing over my face, 

To go ahead is the only chance, 

looking back gives no respite.

Ride ride the carpet, 

fly away to harms way, 

throw cation to the winds.

Typing in an email, a sms, a report, 

a presentation, a letter ..... 

Time to leave all it behind, 

start afresh, on a plain state. 

Time to move on, 

some things will never go away, 

its okay to say hello to them once in a way, 

Ride ride the horse, 

straddle away to harms way, 

throw caution to the winds. 

It's all never all done for, 

It never all over, 

Time does not wait, 

Never is it constant, 

Moving in the invisible fourth, 

Signifying the only constant - Change. 

Ride Ride the travel machine, 

warp into harms way, 

throw caution to the winds. 

Look around it all in peace, 

You do not need to gather the pieces, 

You do not need to accumulate, 

You do not need to assimilate, 

It is not about being the one, 

We are all perfect, 

the way we are, 

Gratitude and thanks are not the only way.

You run your own path, 

your own free wave. 

Ride ride the tide, 

surf yor way onto harms way, 

throw caution to the winds.

In solitude, you shall reap

It is one of those days,
You get up, wishing you got up to someone,
But you are cursed, aren't you ?
Cursed to solitude.

You stand there, alone on the 13th Floor,
Looking down to see what could have been,
Maybe to also see what would have been,
But to solitude you are confined,
With no real opportunity for regret to reap in.

On some days, your back is strapped to a rope,
On other days, its just probably a free fall,
Sky diving or the bungee, its all just free fall,
A fall you take to free your mind, body and soul.

Cursed they say you are to be alone,
What would they know, everybody hurts, nobody cares,
What would they know, you need to be understood, you need care,
But then cursed is thee to solitude,
All I can do is snigger, know why because I am the MAN.

I need some time off, some time away,
Need to cast away the silly aspersions,
Need to revive myself, break the shackles,
Take with me what I need,
Leave behind all that I don't  care.

Tired of finding meaning in the infinite zilches,
Don't you know my dear friend,
Anything multiplied to zilch is a zilch.

Tired of finding the silver lining in the clouds,
Its time to find the silver instead.

Tired of reading between the lines,
If it had to be there,
Wouldn't it be written between those lines.

Tired of trying to making everyone happy,
Hell ya !!! Why should I be all selfless,
if everyone seems to be selfish.

Solitude is upon you, its there for a reason,
You are too fast, ruthless, brutal, hell ya that's me.
A misunderstanding is always around the corner,
Misunderstood thy shall be.
A catastrophe is at the edge,
In catastrophes shall revel thee.

And its pouring, pouring in different colors,
Pouring, it is in numbers, a 3, a 6, a 9 or even 18,
Perspective seems to pour out with higher numbers,
An alternate perspective is in the mix,
But for all that matters,
what matters is what thy thinks.

It one of those days ,
You enter the room, the kingsize bed awaits you,
But you are cursed, aren't you ?
Cursed to Soilitude .

Wouldn't it be nice ..... If only ..... Precarious mumblings

Wouldn't it be nice to just live life each day with no worry of tomorrow, living each day as though it was your last. 

If you want revenge - forgive, when the other man realises that you have been magnanimous; it's going to hurt like hell to know you have moved on.

To let go off something you think you have figured out, is the hardest when you know letting go would mean letting go of a part of yourself. 

How long can you can you go about thinking about somebody else ... Only to the point where you need to decide between yourself and that somebody else !!! 

No man is an island unless of course the island is filled with all you need- physically, spiritually, mentally and of course emotionally. 

Sometimes you wonder where it all started going wrong. Well it did not really go wrong, it's just that the circumstances changed, priorities got re- assigned. 

The truth is everybody wants to be comfortable, everybody wants to have a comfortable ride. What they never realize is life follows entropy, it's the bumpy ride that counts. 

The mistakes you make in life will always come haunting back. You hurt someone with or without purpose , you will be hurt by someone else with or without purpose. 

The funny thing about love. All that you want from the Person you love from the innermost depth of your heart is - to love you back the same way.

Everybody hurts but never realize when they are hurting you. The more selfless you are, more is the probability of you getting hurt. 

If only you could stop craving for what you do not have, maybe then you would be able to live a pleasant life with what you have.

I am different, I am what I am none the same.

All the tiny tots sit around the table,
Chitting and Chatting away to glory.


And there speeds away the hare,
Yippity Yippity Yap Yap,
Passes by the larvae,
"Oh poor you, feel so sorry for you,
How slow you are, how slow your world evolves".

"What is two and two? "
The tigress says Four.
The Rhino - Twenty two.
"Oh poor rhino, how creative, but its four"
"It shall take time, but you will come about".

"Look at me as I walk majestically,
show off my colorful peacock feathers,
Look at me as I dance in the rain"
"Oh dear me panther,
you of just one color,
Wish you were more than just a monochrome,
How does it feel to have just one color"

Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti, Ti La So Fa Mi Re Do,
Lets get jiggy with it Huh ! Huh !, jigs the nightingale,
Eh ! Mr Owl with eyes like bowls,
What do you ever do with those Binoculars ?
God Bless - Me has none of those

'Are you an insect or better still a fish' asks the beetle
Oh Mr Scorpion, with a tail so high,
But you can neither swim or fly ha ha ,
Oh if only your silence could tringgg !!!
You the meek scorpion would be King !!


With years gone by,
Summers, winters, autumns, and spring,
Paradise is besieged,
invaded by the hyenas and vultures.


And a lone butterfly brings color to the lost land,
As the Rhino fights on resisting the siege with all his might,
The panther leads the way, his color instilling fear,
The owl protects the herd in the nights with her vision,
The scorpion collects enemy information being transparent all night.

Slowly have you evolved,
ever so magnificently adding color to the world,
In time you have come about,
Come about to make sense,
Monochromatic you might  be,
but focus and you will be shown the light,
Muted you maybe,
but what you see is all that matters,
So what if I am different,
I am what I am none the same.

Far away

Sing, Sing, Sing, Sing your heart out,
Sing for happiness till the soul gives out,
Bonfire, laughter and music playing,
A Michael here, a Daler there, stepping up somwhere,
A feeling of far away , ah you know you are better,
Alone, you stand, high, above one and all.

Try Try Try, Try until you succeed,
Resilience, perseverence, dedication is all you need,
You look for solace somewhere in between,
All you get is pain, anger, and nothing that can supersede,
A feeling of far away , ah you know you are better,
Alone, you stand, high, above one and all.

Walk, walk, walk, walk till you come up to nowhere,
Walk the path, path you walked in despair,
A step here, a step there, a journey not so far,
A journey to the unknown, thats the truth beware,
A feeling of far away , ah you know you are better,
Alone, you stand, high, above one and all.

Chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter is all you hear,
A pack of wools, ready to pounce, to make you fear,
Its alright for now , but it all brings out a tear,
You look above and beyond, in search of a seer,
A feeling of far away , ah you know you are better,
Alone, you stand, high, above one and all.

Laugh, Laugh, laugh, laugh till its time for tears,
Laugh on the adversity, only to say its not over,never till its all over,
Free the sorrows from the cage, let laughter tear them to smithereens,
And then the sadism hits you , the feeling closer to the devil,
A feeling of far away , ah you know you are better,
Alone, you stand, high, above one and all.

Feel, Feel, Feel, Feel the fish call you out from the ocean,
Calling you to feel her, please her, carress her,
Love her more than she can hold out to,
Make her feel that that you love her more than anyone else can,
A feeling of far away , ah you know you are better,
Alone, you stand, high, above one and all.



Sing, Sing, Sing, Sing your heart out, 
Try Try Try, Try until you succeed,
Walk, walk, walk, walk till you come up to nowhere, 
Chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter is all you hear, 
Laugh, Laugh, laugh, laugh till its time for tears, 
Feel, Feel, Feel, Feel the fish call you out from the ocean,
A feeling of far away , ah you know you are better,
Alone, you stand, high, above one and all.

Free Me from the shackles of my Desires

Why let yourself go so far, so ahead of yourself

So far that you lose your way back.
Why didn't you hold back,

Back so that it did not hurt so bad.

Why did you not take a step back,

A step backward, back from the quagmire.

Why allow yourself to go tizzy on the top,

allow the brain to reach point no return.

Why run run directly into the fire,

All burnt, burnt to no recognition.

Why dive into the roaring waves,

Waves hurtling you every which way.

Why break break the spirit,

So much so that there are no tears left.

Why expose yourself to all that Sulphur,

Choke choke choke to death you will.

Why lose all the piece of mind,

when you know there shall not be any peace.

Why try when you know very well,

Know very well that you are to fail.

Why try to expect the unexpected,

when you know the unexpected will not happen.

Why give something to someone,

when there is no chance there for her to reciprocate.

Why do you hit against the wall,

You know the blood shall be on your hands.

Why do you call against the mountains,

the best you will ever get is an echo.

Why do you try to melt the stone,

Not all stones turn to gold.

Why do you have the desire to bleed,

knowing that blood shalt be spilt to no avail.

Why embark on a journey to the land unknown,

Unknown lurking with the fear of no return.

Why not take it all out, the body mind and the soul,

Cut me into pieces, throw em' to the dogs, leftovers to vultures.

Why wait for hours for an affirmation,

An affirmation far and remote, which shall never come.

Why wait for it to go away, free me the caged bird,

With amputated legs and hands, let me go away.

Oh so far, just hold back,

A step back, dont get tizzy on the top,

Peace of mind, a mind to be cleared,

Expect the unexpected, dont give anything away.

A land unknown, point of no return.

Take it all out the body mind spirit and the soul.

A wait for affirmation through all the negativity,

Free me, free the caged bird, amputated nonetheless,

Free me free the bird, free from the agony and pain,

And I am going away, far far away,

Free from the shackles of my desires

Mesmerise

Sit back, relax, enjoy,
One moment you are there,
The next moment, you think its all you,
But you are still living, still all alive.\

Drops of water hurtling down,
the smell of the soil,
Religious you are, your beliefs unyielding,
But you willl still be there, still alive.

Sitting off the rocks listening,
Listening to the chatters and cacaphony,
A smile here, a groan there, a yawn somwhere,
Here I stand, Here I am now
Wish I could see those pretty eyes now.
Wish I could see the smile out in a blue moon.

A little girl lurks there somewhere,
With her floppy haired teddys to fade away,
With flowers that wither away,
With a hope of sunlight to make her way.

And the gaze to the oblivion,
To some place far away,
You try to see through, try to find out.
Decipher the thoughts and her ways.

In nneed of a time capsule am I,
To travel faster than the thought,
to know what she wants,
to know what she feels.

Distances to be maintained,
cant be close, not now,
You need the time, seconds, minutes, hours,
Take your time darling now, the future is all mine.

Minutes of joy, sorrow, pain everlasting,
Capturing it to make it everlasting,
Memories to captivate, to enthrall, to mesmerise,
Memories created to be remembered on a later date.

The look into the future,
the photographs of the past,
And walking your way in the present.
Darling you keep me mesmerised.